Truth Wins . . .

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I lied once.  Actually, it has been more than once.  Some may not think lying to yourself counts, but a lie is a lie, as my dad would say.

When pushed to my limit – and I have been many times, physically and mentally  – I will repeatedly say, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this”. . .  all while I am doing “this”.  A lie.

1d54de9acbcc311eec1f58751a214836Many people, when asked how they are will answer that they are “fine”, when they actually are far from fine.  Been there, said that.

Then there are those times when I tell myself that, “Everything’s going to be alright”, and it becomes my mantra, even when I do not believe it will be alright, but it always ends up being alright, so I lied, but it was alright.

When listening to someone yakking and yakking about ridiculous scenarios that will never happen, my heart tells my brain that I don’t get it, but from my mouth words tumble around until “I understand”, spills out.  Harmless?  Probably.

m183871107Often my lack of reasoning becomes a lie.  I am counting calories.   In a weak moment, that piece of brownie will try to convince me that it weighs only 2 ounces, but I suspect that the darn thing actually weighs more than I do!  I am naïve, and believe what others tell me (even a brownie),  so I eat it, and the truth appears on my scales the next morning.

These are examples of those “White Lies” that most folks find acceptable and innocent, but there are those untruths that we tell ourselves that are dangerous, deadly to our souls and often irreversible because we have come to know these lies as truth.

When we say we are not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough, truth is not present.  When our thoughts convince us that we are less than in any way, we are listening to lies.  I can only write about this because of the lies I have told myself or allowed others to speak to me.  Through the process of growing, I am  learning my truth.  Truth is not always pretty but it is real.

Truthfully, I am – plain, outspoken, often unsure and clumsy.  My body is too large, my hair too thin, I wear ugly shoes.  I forget and repeat myself.  I live simply and will sometimes start things I never finish.  I get my feelings hurt and cry when frustrated.  I lose my patience and might throw things.  This is not a glowing description, but I am pretty cool,  and I am caring and a great Grammie, a loving mother and faithful friend.  I am capable, dependable and honest, and nothing can convince me otherwise.

I am learning the simple life lesson that truth serves me well.  It is powerful and healing and freeing.  May you fall in love with your amazing truth.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Debbie
    Oct 02, 2013 @ 08:55:51

    Loved your blog. You have always had a way with words, my friend. I pray you will continue to encourage those along your path.

    Reply

  2. dachsielvr
    Oct 02, 2013 @ 10:56:19

    I think, if we were truthful with ourselves, we all do that. As far as compliments of beauty, talent, etc. I shun them like the rain flowing down a rainslicker. They don’t even get into my ear drum because I have predetermined it never was true, it is not true now and it will never be true. People are giving me lip service. I don’t have to be beautiful or smart or talented to be happy. I just have to be me, warts and all. That took a lot of acceptance, like years, like even a cancer diagnosis and the reminder that every nanosecond is a gift. You are a very loyal friend and if you ever need proof, I’m your girl. Who else on their vacation would be concerned if one of their gfs from long ago had to cancel a visit because of an impending med prob? Most would be, OK, moving on to something else I can do with the time now. Not you and not ever. You are the real deal Susan Ann and I am the better for having met you all those years ago.

    Reply

  3. Randall R. Maharry, M.D.
    Oct 03, 2013 @ 08:51:30

    Excess info!WeALL are “who we are”. If it wasn’t for our ‘rough edges’; we wouldn’t be sharp. Hope all ,is well! rrm

    Randall Maharry

    WHERE IS THE ANGER OVER IRAQ, AFGANISTAN, LYBIA & SYRIA ???

    ________________________________

    Reply

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