Love the Umpteenth Time Around . . .

Remember the song, “When I Fall in Love, it will be forever . . .”? That is exactly what I thought when I fell in love for the very first time. I remember it well. It was 5th grade, South Side School, Miss Davis, who, incidentally, delighted in thumping me on the head with a ruler. His name was Joe. It was serious. Joe gave me his necklace with a silver basketball. I wore it 8 days. That was my first clue that love is fleeting.

In 6th grade, the teacher caught me passing a note to my new heart-throb, although I forget his name. It was mortification time, and I was certain I would never recover, but I did.

As the school girl crushes came and went, I remember high school and my football hero, Dan. This was the real thing! I was 16, all grown up and knew I had found “The One”!! He wasn’t, but the memory is sweet as he was my first “car” date, and the first “young man” I took to meet my dad.

One boy kept asking me out, but I only had eyes for Dan. This other boy, whom I will call Xavier for the sake of anonymity, would not give up! (if his name had been Xavier, I may have dated him!) He knew where I lived. He visited my mother. Xavier became the topic of dinner conversations. Mom would tell me I should date him. I would tell mom I shouldn’t. Mom and Xavier would cook up these drop by times so Xavier would just happen to catch me at home. The more he insisted that we get together, the faster I ran away. He settled for friendship, and for many years we remained friends, although I have heard that his flame for me took several years to extinguish. Seeing the man he became, and his ambition in life, I have never regretted not dating him, and it was fun, years later, to tell Mom she was wrong!

I met “Husband” when I was 20. He truly did take my breath away. We both worked at Norge, a factory manufacturing washers and dryers. We would spend lunch hours together, then started dating in June, and married in September. I will not keep you awake with the ugly details. The marriage lasted 36 years, 3 months and 3 days, but who is counting? This was probably 30 years longer than it should have lasted, but times were very different then. Love can be blind and deaf and dumb.

Today, I am interested in a special guy. He caused my heart to beat again because of his honesty, his integrity, his work ethic, and he’s very cute and tall and strong. Do I love him? Ask me in 6 months, a year, a lifetime . . .

Has he made me cry? Yes. Have I vowed to walk away and never look his way again? Yes. Have I felt like caring was way too hard? Certainly. For the many of us who open ourselves up to love, the second time around, we find issues and baggage and fears and aches and lack of trust and independence and freedom and many insecurities blocking our view. Simply put, to love is to preservere.

The first time our heart thumps, we dance in the sunshine, skip through the buttercups, and throw caution to the wind, but later in life, we step through the sticker bushes, creep through the clouds, and find caution too heavy to throw.

Life Lesson – I have learned more about what love isn’t that what it is. Regardless of the number of hit and misses, love lives in that part of your heart where you are more concerned about the other person than you are for yourself. Until you will give up the last slice of apple pie, or be willing to sit up all night nursing their fever after working all day, or will let him go first at the DMV, you can call it many names, but it’s not love.

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Mumblings . . .

Emotional coherency is missing!

The past 47 days have been a plethora of events that leaves me wondering what this year hopes to carry out on my behalf. If 2013 wanted to break a strong woman, it was on the right path.

It all started on December 24th. Christmas Eve. Excitement is in the air, wrapping completed, cookies baked, and it is time to kick back, relax, gaze at the sparkling tree lights and read “Twas the Night Before Christmas”. Not for me. I was on the side of the road waiting for a ride after losing control on the icy, snowy road and slamming into the boulders, bouncing back, spinning around banging my head and coming to an abrupt stop and wondering what had happened!

The rest of my evening was spent sharing information with the sweet State Farm Claim Rep. in Texas. He must have been a newbie to have to work on Christmas Eve. I thanked him profusely for being there for me on Christmas Eve. Delusional.

It was a few weeks later when I realized I had a headache that would not stop. I am a woman who has to become debilitated before I take action to correct any physical infirmity, so the fact I ignored the pain in my head is not unusual.

A visit to my doctor and a CT scan proved a concussion, so bed rest. Bed Rest? What is that? Please explain, but I did listen and took a couple of days, took a couple of pills and the headache improved. I did not realize all the symptoms that go with a concussion. Anger, confusion, forgetfulness – kind of like being married:)

Certain now that life would return to normal, and I would go about 2013 . . . well, not quite.

On January 19, my oldest sister called with the news that Mom was very weak, very ill, and likely not to recover. I felt the fist in my stomach. I did not have the ability to comprehend this, even though I had lost my dad just over a year past. I took the rest of the day and went into the mountains where I found strength. I cried a lot and remembered much, and accepted that which was to be.

The next few days were a fog as decisions were made, goodbyes were said. Mom went to be with Daddy less than a week late

Mom

r on January 24. My mom was a good woman. She enjoyed the simplicities of life. Mom cared for her family, was generous with friends and welcoming to strangers. I will miss her, and my dad, for the rest of my life.

It takes days for it all to sink in, and I am not sure it has. Someone asked me how it felt to be an orphan. I had not thought about it, ever, in that way, but it is true. My parents are gone. I don’t feel so strong anymore.

I bring you now to this morning where I am home nursing a cold. There are places to go, people to see, and life to live. One foot goes in front of the other, and tomorrow I wake up, just like every other morning, and face whatever boulders jump out in front of me. What other choice do we have?

I am sure I am repeating myself, but my life is full. I have wonderful family, a precious Princess Zia, a challenging job, and many, many friends. I have attended my first meeting as a board member for The Fine Arts Guild of the Rockies, and this excites me.

Life Lesson . . . . Life happens. Detours come, but they do not define us. We get knocked off the rail, and we reach out for balance. Have patience with yourself. Remember your purpose. Fuel your passion. Be there for others. Accomplish what you are meant to, and love even the boulders because they teach us. I am wiser now.

Next week, I think it is time to introduce you to my man.

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